Monday, July 30, 2007

The Michael Jordan of EVIL

I've been following the scandal surrounding the dismissal of seven U.S. attorneys for apparent political reasons, and I've come to one conclusion: Alberto Gonzales is the world's most evil Mexican-American. Why, he's up there for the world's most evil person. Here's a list of his accomplishments so far:

1. Along with former White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card*, ambushed incapacitated Attorney General John Ashcroft in his hospital room--in the middle of the night--to get him to reauthorize the warrantless wiretapping program.
2. In 1996, helped then-governor George W. Bush avoid jury duty, presumably so he would not have to reveal his own DUI in Maine two decades earlier.
3. My favorite thing he's done, however (aside from support of the USA PATRIOT Act) is his participation in the following interchange:

Whaaaa? I'm no legal scholar, but that seems both slimy and genuinely dishonest.

So, how else can A.G. the A.G. be evil?

1. Initiate the Federal Harry Potter-Spoilers act.
2. Order the destruction of all balloons, cotton-candy machines, and marshmallow factories in the land.
3. Un-invade, then re-invade Iraq.

Oh wait...I know!

Wow. Lazy humor and lazy Photoshopping. Gooooo meeee!

*We are alumni of the same university. Bastard.


Matt said...

AG-the-AG: "There is no express grant of Habeas Corpus in the Constitution; there's a prohibition against taking it away. "The Constitution of the United States doesn't say that every individual is hereby granted the right to Habeas."


Matt said...

(That is, because I'd rather maintain the illusion that the people running our giant government are decent people with brains. Ugh.)